Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be felt in many ways. Grief’s impact can be emotional, social, spiritual, physical and financial. It is as individual as the person you loved and lost. Grieving while living away from family and friends can be especially difficult. This is a place where you can share your thoughts, and get ideas on how to cope. It is here for you to get support and validation.

Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby doodle1 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 8:47 pm

VickieK,
I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I am so sorry that you have to go through this ordeal. I do not know what you are feeling or going through today, as my anniversary will not be until 8-1-13. But I do know that it is going to be very hard for you. And I also know that you will get through it, and make it, not really sure how, but you will. Have faith in yourself!! I know that you and I went through the same nightmare with the same issues. So I hope that some day, we will look back and know that we did what we had to do at the time, and that our loved ones understand this. I am beginning to feel that my husband has forgiven me and understands that I made the best choice for the circumstances. I sincerely hope that you are feeling the same. Take care Vickie and Happy Birthday!! Hugs to you!!
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby doodle1 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:01 pm

Hi Carmella,
The memorial you had sounds nice. So glad you had it and that so many people came to join you. I also wonder WHY every day of my life.... why would such a wonderful person be taken, when there are so may BAD people in this world. I will never make sense of this. I had the best husband, and the best relationship with him. We were both married previously, but we had gotten it right this time.

I will have my memorial/anniversary on 8-1-13. I think my daughter and I are going to release balloons to mark the day. I miss my husband more and more every day. But I do know and understand that I can not dwell on the loss and I have to move on. I continue to journal every day, not sure why, but I do it. I do "talk" to him through the journal, but I also talk to him all the time at home and in the car. Call me crazy, but it seems natural to me... I love him and miss him so much.

Tale care Carmella and I hope to hear that you are doing better.
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby carmella12 » Mon Mar 25, 2013 3:47 pm

Doodle1 and Vickie, how are you both doing?? I hope that all is well, as well as can be expected. I tried to post a message before but for some reason it didn't go through..

Are you both still having anxiety or panic attacks? I am just wondering because for some reason, I am having a hard time placing one foot in front of the other.
The nightime is over whelming at times. Still can't sleep and all I want to do is snack on carbs which is not good at all. The last thing I want to do is to cook for one person, I just can not get use to it, nor do I want too.

I have so much that needs to be done, but I have no energy at all. I still feel the same as I did this time last year. Nothing really changed, same sadness, anger, lost feeling as well as scared half the time. Don't really know why, the worst is over, I think.

Doodle1, the balloons are a great idea. I think that your hubby will enjoy it as much as you and your daughter will. I know he must be watching over you and your daughter every step of the way as Vickies hubby is watching over her. We have to believe that, without hope there is nothing.

Please let me know if you feel the same way as I do. Take care and I wish you both peace and comfort.

Carmella


Take care, Carmella
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby doodle123 » Sat Apr 20, 2013 3:38 pm

Hi Carmella,I am sorry that I have not been on for a long time. I completely forgot my logon and password, so I created a new one. I have so many problems with short term memory since my husband died. I have a note book with all my logons and passwords and for some reason I must have written this one elsewhere. I live in such a fog state it isn't even funny. I do hope this gets better and soon.

I do not have panic attacks, but I do have a very hard time concentrating. At times when I think of something I need to tell my husband when I get home, then I get this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. Then I relive the horrible details all over again. As you say, it is hard just putting one foot in front of the other.

I too have a hard time sleeping. Everything is so real when I go to bed, that it is very overwhelming. I absolutely hate being alone. I have never been alone, so this is really a great adjustment.

I have gained 15 pounds in the 8 months since his death. I lost 15 when he was dying and then gained it all back from mindless eating and snacking, so I really get that. I know better than to eat like this, but I have no will power. And I agree it really is no fun cooking for one.

So you see, I have not advanced any further in my grieving process. Life still sucks and I know that I have to go on, but I really dread the idea.I work full time so that helps make the days go by faster, but the nights are horrible. I take a sleeping pill for this and it does help. But I know without them, I would never have a good nights sleep. I wake up depressed, because every day is a new day alone. On the outside I appear to be surviving this, but inside it is a total train wreck.

Hang in there Carmella, they say that better days are ahead for us. I just don't believe it right now. I have written down my login information, so hopefully I can continue to correspond with you.
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby doodle123 » Sat Apr 20, 2013 3:44 pm

VickieK,
I hope you are doing better. I know that you probably are not, but there is always some hope out there for us. Spring is here, or at least it was for a day or two. Maybe this will help to brighten us up a bit. My husband was sick for a year before he passed away, so I have had to take care of things without his help. I still do miss all the things we did together, which was pretty much everything. He had been retired for a couple years before he got sick, but he never really got to enjoy his retirement. There are so many things I wish we could have done, but that is all hind sight now. Hopefully you log on every so often and at least know that Carmella and I are thinking about you. Take care.
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby carmella12 » Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:25 am

Doodles1, how are you doing? I hope that all is well. I know what you mean when you say that your living in a fog. It is very hard having to deal with the simply things in life. What once was easy is very hard. The thoughts of having to do everything by yourself is terrible, once there were two people, now one. I know we have family and friends, but its not the same as having your husband there. What a hard hit we have to deal with and until someone is walking down the same path as we are they just don't understand.

I also have gain a few pounds. Just snacking here and there. I don't want to cook, don't feel like it at all. I really don't feel like doing anything. People are saying, "give it time," I want go out on a limb and tell everyone that time heals nothing, we just have to find another way of dealing with losing our loved ones. I lost my husband fourteen months ago and it still feels as fresh as it did when this first happened. As a matter of fact it seems to be getting worst. I have noticed it even in my daughter. Several months ago my aunt told me that I haven't seen anything yet and now I am convinced she is right, we just have to find a way to deal with it better. Dear God it is hard to lose your best friend that you have been with for so long.

When I wake up in the morning the first thought on my mind is, oh great I woke up again. I don't think there has been a day that has passed since my husbands passing that I haven't asked him to come and get me. I still have a hard time dealing with his death. I still can not believe he is gone and the other day while I was sitting on the couch I thought I heard him pull up the driveway, for a second I thought he is coming home from the store or the gas station. I don't sleep right either, I get a few hours a night and then toss and turn. I look over at his side of the bed and ask him where are you? I still cry alot anything or nothing will set me off, in the car, at the store, something as little as seeing a fast food place that we would often go to. I am gearing up for the cedar point commericals that are getting ready to hit the air waves. My husband and I were big fans and had season passes every year. We just couldn't wait for whatever ride they were building. At times we would joke that we were becoming the oldest looking people in line. Even at our age we played like little kids whenever we had the chance. When I think of everything that was taking away from me I just want to lay down and die.

Doodles1, I know that you are going through the same. I feel your pain and I know what your daughter is feeling. I wish you comfort and whenever you can do something for yourself. You have taking such a hard hit one that you will never recover from, so do whatever it takes to make it easier. It is what your husband would want you to do until you two are together again. Keep telling yourself that you will be with him and until the time comes remember he is right by your side watching over you. Please stay in touch or pm.

Take care, Carmella
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby dscowan » Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:36 am

Hi Carmella and Doodle1;
I am so glad you both are utilizing the grief discussion groups. AND, I hope both of you are seeking additional help in coping with your loss. As you move through the tasks of grief, one goal is find a way of maintaining a continuing bond with your loved one in the midst of moving on. This is Worden's fourth task of grief. Mental health professionals, including grief counselors, can help you with that.
Take care,
Diane
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby kitkat5 » Mon Dec 16, 2013 9:59 am

The holiday season began with Thanksgiving and lasts through New Year's. Some people wish they could just sleep through the holidays and wake up when they are over, but unfortunately we don't have that luxury. We are supposed to be happy and joyful, but grieving families frequently ask me how they can be when their loved one has died. The truth is, you don't have to act happy and jolly. Accept your feelings of grief for what they are and only do what you feel you can handle as far as holiday events, parties and traditions. Try not to overtax yourself this holiday season. Grief can be physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting so it is important to recognize your limitations. If this is your first year without your loved one, you may want to change what you normally do. You can always resume family traditions the next year if you want. Sometimes we do the same thing every year because that is what has always been done but it doesn't mean you cannot create new traditions that take on new meaning for you. On the other hand, if the old traditions bring you comfort, joy and happiness, by all means continue them. Be kind and gentle to yourself and surround yourself with those who understand your grief and allow you to do what you need to do this holiday season.
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Re: Grieving Through the Holidays as a Family

Postby d_butler » Mon Feb 10, 2014 3:03 pm

You may dread the holidays if you lost your spouse, partner or loved one and the thought of spending them alone is overwhelming. As we approach Valentine's Day take time for yourself or spend time with family and friends. Grief is a daily process and everyone's journey is different. It is completely normal to experience feelings of anger, jealously and loneliness during this time of year. Give yourself permission to grieve! Take a break from social media and television if you are overwhelmed by Valentine's Day ads. It is okay to plan ahead and keep yourself busy, talk to friends and family and most importantly do what's best for you.
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