Sudden Death

Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be felt in many ways. Grief’s impact can be emotional, social, spiritual, physical and financial. It is as individual as the person you loved and lost. Grieving while living away from family and friends can be especially difficult. This is a place where you can share your thoughts, and get ideas on how to cope. It is here for you to get support and validation.

Sudden Death

Postby d_butler » Wed Feb 06, 2013 1:20 pm

The shock of losing someone you love suddenly can produce feelings of fear and uncertainty. A sudden death falls outside of the normal realm of our daily experiences. When a sudden death occurs many are left feeling like their relationship with the deceased ended abruptly. An individual is not given the opportunity to prepare for the death or say goodbye. Whether you are grieving the sudden death of a family member, friend, colleague or neighbor the lack of anticipation and initial shock can affect you. If you or someone you care about has experienced a sudden death, use this discussion group to express your feelings, find support, and learn more about this subject.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby d_butler » Fri Feb 15, 2013 12:52 pm

Many people experience feelings of numbness or express having a delayed reaction to the sudden death of their loved one. Grief is different for each person and each of us goes through a unique grieving experience. The stress of a sudden loss can alter your behavior, emotions, physical and mental health. It is normal if you experience feelings of guilt, anger, anxiety, denial, and irritability. Each reaction you are experiencing is the body’s normal and natural response to a loss.
Do not be afraid to communicate. If you have questions that remain unanswered surrounding your loved one’s death ask. For many people gaining clarity about their loved one’s death aided in their healing process. Reduce other stressors in your life as much as possible. Take care of yourself. Listen to music, meditate, take long walks, and watch funny movies. Sharing your story with others when you are ready gives you an opportunity to be heard while expressing your feelings, fears, and opinions. However, there are times when the effects of a sudden death can be traumatic. If you find that your feelings of anger, anxiety or depression worsen or begin to affect your daily functioning, you might find talking to a professional grief counselor helpful. Most importantly give yourself time to heal and take the time to remember your loved one.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby preemiemom07 » Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:16 pm

Hello. I am actually dealing with the loss of both my parents in very short amount of time. My dad just died a few months ago. He was in the hospital and we all thought he would get better but ended up not. I am having a very very hard time right now dealing with their loss. My mom & I were very good friends along w/being mother & daughter. I could go to her at any point and complain about my husband. She knew exactly how I felt because I had as she always said "married my dad". After her passing my dad & I started to get close. I could always call him with issues or just to talk. Now that he is gone, I feel lost, sad, overwhelmed with grief, and most of all guilty that my young daughter gets to miss out on her grandparents who was not only their world but her world. When my husband takes her places with out me, I get very angry and resentful that she is doing all these things w/out me. I don't want to miss a single minute of her life...like my parents are right now. I know I can't always hover around her when she is in school but I know she is safe and is in good hands. Doesn't mean I don't miss the kid like crazy and worry about if she is ok and having a good day. My husband has talked about divorcing me because I can't control the grief I feel or the anger I show when he takes my daughter places for a whole day. I am here to get help not only online, but in person.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby d_butler » Mon Aug 12, 2013 12:03 pm

Hello preemiemom07. Experiencing the death of both of your parents in such a short time period is extremely overwhelming. The sudden death of a loved one can produce feelings of uncertainty,fear, guilt and anger which is normal. You are now adjusting to life without the support and companionship of your parents. I appreciate your honesty and commend you for recognizing your need to seek help. I think you will benefit from grief counseling. Working with a grief counselor on a consistent basis will help you work through your feelings and manage your anger.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby candoit3 » Thu Oct 10, 2013 10:25 am

I lost my job and within 7 months I lost my husband. Ive done positive things to overcome loss of job after 40yr of service but I still have low feelings trying to to overcome my husbands sudden death. He also left 3 grown daughters and 3 grandchildren. In fact he died the day before the 1st birthday of the youngest.
My issues seem so complicated. He died suddenly of a heart attack. We had been married 37yr. My children and I have a close relationship. We work through each others low times. I am so thankful for that. I feel that sometimes I am being strong for them, I try not to cry too much but can at the drop of a hat. It has only been 16 months.Losing a married relationship is very lonely. It is different than a father daughter relationship. We have learned from each other the differences. I didn't have a father daughter relationship but realize the hurt they go through. They on the other hand haven't lost a husband relationship. I have tried to move on in positive ways. I am finishing school with prospects of a job. That also helped me be occupied so to speak. I feel stuck and so want to keep moving forward but I am having a hard time. Maybe I need to speak to someone in person. I could go on and on much to long for online. I need help to become unstuck.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby d_butler » Fri Oct 11, 2013 1:06 pm

Thank you for sharing your story candoit3. There is support available to assist you in your grief process. Please contact your local hospice or bereavement center for more information. If you are having trouble finding local support please contact us and we will be more than happy to provide you with appropriate referral information.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby wenoll » Thu Nov 21, 2013 1:25 pm

My wife died on March 1 2012. Her death was unexpected. We had just returned home from my sons house where we saw or granddaughter for the first time. This was our first. She died during the night in her sleep. I found her in the morning. We were very close. We had been together every day since we met on New Years Eve 1974. We did everything together. She was my life. I find it very hard not having someone who really understands me to talk to and to make decisions.

I have been trying to move on but I still find my self breaking down, It seems to happen for no reason at all. I will see something and just fall apart. I have been unemployed for almost a year and worked on an off just before her death. I am feeling very scared about my future and at times wish I could pass and join her. I am trying to deal with selling off her collection of quilting items. It was her passion and I have a lot of items. This has been a very frustrating process but I need to do it in order to move on.

I need someone to talk to, My immediate family have been supportive but I find I can not talk to them abut it in a way that helps. I can not even talk to my sons.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby dscowan » Thu Nov 21, 2013 1:54 pm

Dear Wenoll;
Thank you for sharing your story. It seems as grief is coming to you in waves and selling off your wife’s collection is triggering your grief.
You mention that you need someone to talk and perhaps others who read this discsussion will respond. I would also recommend that you look into grief support groups where you could share your story and concerns with others who have experienced a death. Or you may find individual grief counseling helpful. Remember, you do not have to grieve alone.
Best,
Dscowan
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby andygetz » Mon Sep 08, 2014 12:03 pm

Many who have experienced a sudden loss have great difficulty settling back into life. It may feel as though any security you felt in the world has been shaken. When you have experienced the "worst thing" happening without warning, it is challenging to trust that it will not happen again. Now panic may occur when you partner is late getting home or when your child has not called when they said they would. You need time to adjust to this loss of security in the world. There are ways to try to re-direct your focus. What sudden loss may have taught you for example is to do things that are important to you today. You may understand the importance of saying what you feel you should in the moment and not putting it off. Your grief may afford you the insight to truly evaluate what is important to you in your life. These are ways to try to pay attention to what you can control instead of only seeing what is out of your control. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you make the slow adjustment to engage in the world again and please use this site to discuss experiences with sudden loss that you are currently negotiating.
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Re: Sudden Death

Postby d_butler » Tue Oct 21, 2014 10:57 am

A sudden death is one of the most difficult deaths a child or adolescent may experience. A sudden death does not give one time to plan or properly prepare for a loved one's death. Many children experience feelings of guilt, anger and extreme sadness. It is important to speak honestly to children using age appropriate language when discussing the events surrounding the death. Children and adolescents need continual reassurance and the option to experience grief in their own way. Providing youth with literature or participating in a grief support group for children and adolescents are two helpful tools that can be used to support your child. Your child is adjusting to a "new" normal. It is important to be patient, listen and let them know that their not alone in their grief process.
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