"I don't have time to grieve."

Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be felt in many ways. Grief’s impact can be emotional, social, spiritual, physical and financial. It is as individual as the person you loved and lost. Grieving while living away from family and friends can be especially difficult. This is a place where you can share your thoughts, and get ideas on how to cope. It is here for you to get support and validation.

"I don't have time to grieve."

Postby mary+m2 » Thu Jan 22, 2015 5:10 pm

Is it the sign of our busy times or something else? I've been hearing this phrase more frequently from bereaved family members. Certainly, there are so many adjustments after a loved one dies, that it seems that grief is put on hold: that it can be controlled.

There is paperwork; return to work; children, in-laws, parents, friends, animals to care for; nights of worry; days of pushing through. Tears well up and are stopped as the next thing to do is the more doable, and less fearful, than the feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, and just plain missing weave in and out of your mind, body, and spirit.

All of the to-do's are real. And so is the grief.

Tending to your grief, even a few minutes a day, maybe in a daily ritual, can be useful and ease the pressure and help daily functioning. Can you devote a half hour a day to remembering your loved one? Is your relationship with your loved one worth ten minutes a day?

Here are a few ideas. Sit comfortably in a favorite chair for ten minutes and listen to a music that evokes your loved one's memory. Tears? Oh, yes, they're good. Did you know that tears of sadness and joy differ? Sad tears release stress hormones and can help you function better throughout the day. Light a candle and reflect on the love you had, or wished you had, received. Create a space in your home with a picture(s) and mementos to sit with for ten minutes. Keep a daily journal of your feelings and experiences.

A good companion through grief is a little book, Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief. Journaling along with the daily meditations, increasing awareness of feelings and thoughts, can go a long way to support the grief that is present.

There are meditations on YouTube or other sites. One ten-minute guided meditation is Encountering Grief: A 10-Minute Guided Meditation with Joan Halifax. Or read a poem, "For Grief" by John O'Donohue. Or write your own poem.

Tending to your grief is tending to your life. Skillful grieving will create the time to grieve and repair.
mary+m2
 
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Re: "I don't have time to grieve."

Postby m_postotnik » Tue Jun 09, 2015 5:04 pm

There are so many things that we need to do during the course of a 24-hour day, that it is hard to take the time to grieve. Yet if we don’t take the time to attend to our grief, it will eventually come and find us. It’s like paying taxes. If we don’t pay them, eventually, the IRS will come knocking!
So how do we find time? It seems that the only way to make time is to actually schedule time. Many people tell me that attending a regularly scheduled bereavement group, signing up for an art therapy series or scheduling appointments with a counselor or clergy person is helpful. They then know that this time is their time to grieve. This is a structured time that begins and ends, when it is OK to let it all out, and there are other group members to whom they can relate.
If you are not comfortable in a group, you may just schedule time for yourself in the privacy of your own home when you can look at photos or have music playing that your loved one liked. You can write letters to your loved one, talk out loud, color mandala designs, or make other kinds of art. You might go for a walk and think about your loved one, or read poetry or other things that might remind you of your loved one.
The most important thing is that you allow yourself the emotional space to grieve, to feel the loss. How do you make time to grieve?
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Re: "I don't have time to grieve."

Postby kincaid59 » Thu Jun 18, 2015 11:40 am

I have a friend who was devastated when her mother died. She did not know how she could live without her. And the thought of moving on only brought feelings of guilt and sadness, feeling she was abandoning her mom and her memory by allowing herself to be happy again. Only by “walking through her grief” was she able to learn how to function in life without her mom. Not only was she able to function, she was able to grow and enjoy the many opportunities she now had due to not being physically connected to mom.
Experiencing the pain and sadness is a necessary part of the grief journey. Walking away and avoiding only postpones or hides the grief. It’s still there and will surface in other ways….anger, agitation, moodiness, depression, etc. Find a compassionate friend who is willing to listen without judging. Give yourself permission to feel the pain. Identify what is comforting to you and make time to partake in it. When we lose someone we love, it’s the most natural thing to mourn and we are entitled to those feelings. Give yourself permission to be happy and whole again.
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