guilt

Distance caregiving is the experience of providing support to an ill loved one who is geographically distant from the caregiver. Research shows that there were more than seven million Americans who were distance caregivers in 1997. That number is growing. This discussion group offers you a means of finding emotional support, validation and coping strategies.

guilt

Postby slakin » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:02 am

I was living out of town when each of my parents died. My dad died suddenly so there was no question of getting there. My mom lingered for a few months after suffering a stroke. I drove in every weekend. For all the years I was living away, we saw each other perhaps three times a year. Now I found it suddenly feasible to visit every week, even though she was non responsive. I had a lot of regret over not visiting more frequently while they were alive and well. My mom had a 24 hour caregiver for her last weeks and I found fault with everything she did. This probably stemmed from the guilt I felt not being able to stay with her. When the caregiver started giving me advice as to how handle my grief, I was furious. At times like these, we are supersensitive to comments and unable to sort out our own feelings.

I was uneasy when I was with her knowing I couldn't stay, and uneasy back home, waiting for the phone with bad news. Being a long distance caregiver is difficult. Facing the death of a parent is just hard, no matter what the circumstances. I now realize the importance of accepting that I did the best I could at the time. Please share what you have learned.
slakin
 
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