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Loss of Dreams and Expectations

PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:24 pm
by BobB
Many feel that the relationship with the baby starts after the delivery For most couples, as soon as they find out that they are pregnant, all of those dreams and expectations immediately kick in. You are drawn to the windows of every maternity store in every mall you enter. You pick up that little football and pretend to make that 100 yard pass to that future athlete. You spend time figuring which little dress or suit you want to bring that baby home from the hospital…. Now include all of those loving conversations between partners as you plan the future of that “precious bundle of joy” to be interrupted by a sharp kick in the mother’s womb. No, attachment doesn’t start after the baby is born. Those losses of dreams and expectations are part of grief and are constantly being triggered. Especially when you’re watching other children and their parents entering into a new milestone of their lives. As the tears start collecting in your eyes, you think, my child would have been this age now doing what these children and their parents are doing. We would have been great parents! Please share your stories and how you manage these losses.

Re: Loss of Dreams and Expectations

PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:50 pm
by BobB
This can be a difficult time of year. You see parents scratching off items on their lists of glue, notebooks, crayons.... as children are running around looking for the perfect school bag. The thoughts of this should have been me with that list go through your mind as tears start to swell up in your eyes. The "school", triggers are every where. The loss of dreams and expectations have struck again.

Re: Loss of Dreams and Expectations

PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 12:26 pm
by BobB
In anticipation of the delivery of the baby, many had already purchased or were given their, “Baby’s First Ornament”, which has been safely covered in tissue paper and is waiting on a shelve until it can proudly be displayed on a tree or stand. But, the baby didn’t come, but, the holidays did. What do you do with that ornament? Many bereaved choose to display their ornament and find it meaningful, but, just as many can’t display their ornament because it is just too painful for them at this time. There is not a right or wrong in this decision. Do what is right for you. What have you done with your ornament? What are some other things have you done to help you get through the holiday season?

Re: Loss of Dreams and Expectations

PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 10:57 am
by BobB
Spring time may bring May flowers, but, it can also bring new triggers. All of those babies that were born during the winter, that were out-of-sight are now popping up like crocuses as the weather is getting warmer. You could be working in your yard and then you are confronted with a couple and their baby out for a stroll or driving by the park and notice the myriad of strollers dotting the landscape. Your heart sinks because you should be the one showing off your newborn to the neighbors and one of those strollers would have been yours. There may be some new challenges for you this spring, but, with proper support, they are not insurmountable. How have you dealt with these types of triggers?

Re: Loss of Dreams and Expectations

PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 8:22 am
by andygetz
If you have recently experienced pregnancy loss you may be feeling at odds with your own body. Intellectually you know that this is not your fault. Sometimes however, you may struggle with the feeling that your body has failed you, that somehow you should have done something differently. Despite these feelings, it is a time when you should be providing yourself with loving care and a generous heart. This may be a loss that many around you do not understand well. They may imagine it is a loss that you should recover from more quickly. They may fail to see the loss of future hopes and dreams that you are negotiating. In addition your body is trying to physically recover. This is a time to nurture yourself and to seek comfort for your mind and body. It is a time for self compassion rather than self judgment. Please use this space to share your story and to offer suggestions for healing.