New Year's Resolutions and Grief

[dscowan]

For most people, New Year’s resolutions are about improving life or making a fresh start. Perhaps we want to lose weight, exercise more or embark on a number of self-improvement projects. However when we are grieving, our tendency is to look backwards not forwards. New Year’s resolutions might not feel right. Making some softer resolutions may work for you. Allowing others to care for you, attending a support group, taking one day at a time, taking care of yourself by resting, relaxing and exercising are healthy choices. What New Year’s resolutions will you make this year?

[doodle1]

Thank you dscowan for the suggestions. I didn't think New Years was going to be that big of an issue for me. Well... today I started thinking about going to the cemetery to "visit" with my husband and trying to decide which day would be the best, New Years Eve or New Years Day, or perhaps both. I got extremely depressed, deciding that there is no "best" day to go. And I may forego it all completely. How do you wish your newely departed husband a "happy new year"?? There is no way possible way to do this. I think I will spend the evening alone and spend it wishing for happier times. My life has changed so much, I dare not even think about my future. I do need to take care of myself with diet and exercise, but do I really care about that anymore??? NO, I really don't. I pray that the good lord will take me to join my husband soon. But I know that is not going to happen. So I guess I should join a support group, and make a conscious effort to get healthier. I wish everyone on this site, A very happy, healthy, new year....

[dscowan]

Happy New Year doodle1. I am glad to hear that you plan on joining a support group and making a conscious effort to get healthier. As you adjust to all the changes in your life, you may find that the pains of grief will soften in time and that you can carry on your relationship with your husband in your heart.
Wishing you well.
Here is a link to our current support groups.
http://www.hospicewr.org/wp-content/upl ... ter121.pdf

[doodle1]

dscowan,

Thank you for the information on the current support groups.

[dscowan]

In grief work resolution includes adjusting to the loss. Part of adjusting to the loss is making meaning of the changes that have resulted as part of the death. Consider making New Year’s resolutions that will help you find meaning as you adjust to life without your loved one.

Here are some questions to ponder:

What have you lost?
What do you have left?
What are you going to do now?
What is becoming of the person you used to be? Who are you now?
What lessons have you learned?
What self-discoveries have you made?
What was important to you before the loss in comparison to what is important now?

As you search to find meaning in loss and revise your life story, you may begin to make some sense of what has happened. Please share what you have learned.

[kitkat5]

As this year winds down and the last of the holiday cookies and delicious specialty foods have been eaten, many people develop New Year resolutions hoping to start out the new year in a healthy and good way. While there is nothing wrong with adopting resolutions, for the bereaved it may be enough to just get through a day much less starting new routines like dieting and exercise. If you need to make some changes but are not ready, consider another resolution that may feel more palatable. Decorate a jar and have small strips of paper and a pen near it and whenever you remember something special about your deceased loved one, write it down and drop the paper in the "memory jar". Before you know it you will have a jarful of memories and this is especially important for those who are concerned they will start to forget those special things about their loved one. One idea to write and put in the jar is why this person was so special and/or how that person helped to make your life richer just by being part of it. Although this is not a typical resolution it is a way of starting the new year with warm and loving memories of your loved one. That special person is not here physically but will always live in your heart and mind. Treasure those memories.

[kincaid59]

Once again we find ourselves at the beginning of a new year. A time when we traditionally make resolutions to make our lives healthier in mind body and spirit. It can be very difficult to change the way we’ve always thought and behaved. Implementing new ways of thinking, altering our beliefs and choosing to be happy can be very challenging. Often life can get harder before we see the light and it gets better.
Dealing with our grief is no different. We must learn new ways of living without our loved ones. We often have to alter our beliefs of what was and what is to come. That’s hard enough, but then we have to apply what we have learned into actions that will provide purpose and fulfill us.
When making those New Year’s resolutions try to include things that will allow you to continue treasuring your loved ones, make choices that reflect your truest self, find your inner resiliency, and live your life with peace and love.