What do the "good days" look like?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be felt in many ways. Grief’s impact can be emotional, social, spiritual, physical and financial. It is as individual as the person you loved and lost. Grieving while living away from family and friends can be especially difficult. This is a place where you can share your thoughts, and get ideas on how to cope. It is here for you to get support and validation.

What do the "good days" look like?

Postby shamme-hwr » Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:36 pm

When we are talking about our losses and getting through those moments of intense sadness, anger or despair, we are not always thinking about moments when a glimmer of hope, happiness or joy creep in. Grief is journey that is filled with a series of unpredictable and sometimes rapidly changing emotions. In the beginning we can’t imagine ourselves smiling, laughing, relaxing or hoping, but eventually it happens. Sometimes we can be startled by these good feelings and then feel guilty about having them. We ask ourselves how can we be smiling or laughing or how can we possibly feel “ok” when we the person we loved is gone. Having a break from the heaviness of grief may be just what you need to be able to continue on. It does not mean that you have forgotten or left your loved ones behind. It means that you are human. You still have the capacity to experience all emotions. What do the books and the grief experts tell us to do when the heaviness of grief hits? They tell us to sit in those moments, let ourselves feel those feelings and fully experience them in order to heal. We need to do the same when those lighter moments during our grief journey present themselves. Let the laughter come. Let hope exist. Who knows what we will be facing tomorrow. The good days provide us with a bit of much needed relief - the ability to take a deep breath without forcing it and to release some energy in the form of a laugh not a sob. Sit in those moments, receive them as a gift and let them give you the energy that you need to continue and a reminder of the joys of life that you deserve. Please share what your good days look like?
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Re: What do the "good days" look like?

Postby KarenH » Thu Feb 26, 2015 4:20 pm

I recently talked to a man whose "good day" enabled him to spend a few hours alone in the home he shared with his wife of almost 40 years, when previously he had not felt able to do that at all. We talked about the idea that sometimes even taking things one day at a time can be too much. For him, it came down to one hour at a time...and learning that several successful hours strung together in a day made it a little better than the day before.
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Re: What do the "good days" look like?

Postby shamme-hwr » Mon Oct 26, 2015 2:09 pm

I had the pleasure of talking with a woman last week who was so excited to talk about having had a good day. She and her husband used to dance around the kitchen in the mornings singing to the radio while they waited for their coffee to perk. One of her favorite songs came on and she started to dance. She said that she stopped for a moment, and thought that perhaps she could or should not dance without him. She decided that his time to dance was done, but as long as she is still here, she must continue her dance. She fought off that potential ugly moment of guilt and allowed herself to carry on. She was so proud of that moment, as she should be! She said that she knows more tough moments are ahead, but that day she was able to "choose to dance." In what times have you chosen to allow yourselves to experience moments of happiness or gratitude along your journey through grief?
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Re: What do the "good days" look like?

Postby lake_erie_princess » Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:35 pm

Hi I am new to this discussion group.
I lost my husband on October 18.We buried him on October 23.It is so fresh with me.I feel like my skin is turned inside out, nothing is the same, except the house we lived in for 30 years.

We were married 34 years. I was only 29 when we got married, and am now 63. I was a full time homemaker during our marriage, and we raised 4 sons. I don't know WHO I am now,without him. Am I Mrs B., or Stefani,.....who am I ?
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Re: What do the "good days" look like?

Postby shamme-hwr » Sat Oct 31, 2015 9:20 am

lake erie princess,
Your loss is so unbelievably fresh and new. I am not at all surprised that you do not feel like yourself and feel that you are turned inside out. Many of the women that I talk to who have experienced the loss of their beloved spouse say much of what you have just said. This type of loss does not leave any portion of a life untouched and so nothing feels "normal" or sometimes even very safe for some time. I think that it is important to remember that you are still the woman that your husband married, you are still the mother to your sons, you are still Mrs.B and Stefani, all of these parts of you are present, but grieving. They are missing someone whose life and presence enhanced these parts of you and helped you to feel whole. So many times women tell me that they have spent what feels like a lifetime focused on being a wife, a mom, a caregiver, that they don't know how to focus on themselves and take care of themselves. I encourage you to be patient and gentle with yourself right now. There is so much good support available via this site and organization, hope you stay connected.
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